Monday morning I woke up in A LOT more pain than I had anticipated, which meant that it was definitely necessary to postpone my trip to London. Thankfully, I was able to push it back exactly a week, allowing me enough time to heal and to meet with my surgeon for a post-op checkup. I’m also really grateful that with a surgeon’s note, the change in flight didn’t cost much at all. I’m really looking forward to the trip now more than ever, and glad that I’ll be able to really enjoy it and do all the walking that I need to 
I’d like to say thank you very quickly to all of you who commented on my last post or sent me “Get Well” emails. It really meant a lot to me to know that I have such nice readers who care about me. Also a HUGE thank you to one of my reader’s, Gloria, who so generously sent me a gift card to Lush!! It was such a nice surprise and incredibly generous, so thank you so much Gloria! I have never tried Lush products before but have always wanted to (especially since I’m OBSESSED with bath products). It certainly brightened my day.
Today I really want/need to talk about something a lot of us struggle with: ACCEPTANCE as it relates to MOVING FORWARD. If you haven’t read my post about the Missing Link Series, please click here and read that post first so you can get an idea of what this series is about.
For myself, moving forward is challenging not because I’m lazy or unmotivated. What halts my progression is the fear of the future because of what has happened in the past, and more so, what has happened repeatedly. This not anything new or earth-shattering, but what I have discovered is that when I get down to the true root of my blockage, it isn’t just fear that stops me, it’s a true lack of acceptance.
To be honest, I have always had issues with acceptance. The concept rubs against me like sand-paper or nails on a chalkboard. Peaceful, hippy-dippy types who try to tell me to “lovingly accept” things about the world stir up a fair amount of anger in me. Why? Because I wan’t justice damn it!! The cells that make up my being are anything but content with the idea of letting a higher power or karma give someone what they deserve. I’d rather take charge and let that person know exactly how I feel about them so nothing is left to chance. Is it vengeful? Maybe. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type to go all Carrie Underwood and actually beat up an ex-boyfriend’s car à la “Before He Cheats,” but there is something undeniably, emotionally satisfying about having the upper hand, even if it means you just get the last word in. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
One problem with this route (and there are many), is that if you are in a quarrel with someone equally combative who also wants the last say, then you are in for a never-ending, soul-coroding battle. At this point, some acceptance of the situation would come in handy.
The thing I really need to accept in my life is the end of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. The hard truth is that I’m still really devastated over the breakup that happened in late July/early August. I know that we really loved each other, but in the end maybe the relationship failed us.
I think acceptance and fear form a vicious circle, because when I try to sit down and deliberately accept the fact that my relationship is now over, I’m overwhelmed by fear that if I don’t salvage this relationship, I’ll never have the happy-beginning that I want and that I’m making a mistake.
This leads me to ask, what is true acceptance? What does it really meant to accept a situation or a person, and move on with your own life and happiness?
Definition of Acceptance: noun, 1) the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered, 2) the process or fact of being received as adequate, valid, or suitable, or 3) agreement with or belief in an idea or explanation: acceptance of the teaching of the Church, willingness to tolerate a difficult situation (source)
My definition of acceptance: The ability to calm the gnawing feeling in the gut that arises when one is disappointed, upset, hurt, has been betrayed, feels an injustice has happened and is therefore angry, fearful, and/or anticipatory about their future, and what past events reveal about one’s true self. Acceptance is giving yourself another chance, waking up day after day even when you don’t want to, and doing everything you can to make yourself believe you are worth fighting for.
(source) Isn’t this an awesome quote?!
Acceptance is remembering that people change, sometimes not in the ways we want them to but that change isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes change is beautiful…
Acceptance is letting things change, letting things go, and making space for something new (even if the idea of “new” is terrifying).
Acceptance is not trying to change others.
Acceptance is not forcing yourself to relive your mistakes or pay for them indefinitely.
Acceptance is not making others pay for their mistakes indefinitely.
Acceptance is finding peace within yourself, even if it takes years.
Acceptance is remembering that you are NOT your mistakes.
Acceptance is remembering that YOU can change so that YOU can have a better life.
Acceptance means keeping a little faith tucked in your pocket.
Acceptance can be hard work.
Acceptance is freeing, peaceful, tricky, challenging, frustrating, and difficult.
Acceptance is necessary.
I’m the type of person who needs closure, but sometimes that isn’t possible. For whatever reason, the situation or person we need closure from/with is unavailable or not amenable to sitting down, tying up lose ends, and parting ways civilly. When this happens, I turn to rituals to help me. Rituals can be performed more than once (in fact, I often do them several times for years), until you feel you have received all that you need to, and they can be done anywhere at anytime.
Rituals can range from elaborate ceremonies to home-made, spontaneous events. When journaling doesn’t work for me, I write letters to others that I never send (and have burned or shredded in some cases), I’ve written letters to myself, thrown ice into the woods, thrown ice at walls (throwing ice is great for dealing with urges of any sort–just don’t throw it AT someone!!), writen on stones and tossing them in lakes, used yoga classes as a chance to release something out into the universe that I no longer want to have within me (setting an intention), hugged a tree and imagined my worries flowing into it by some sort of osmosis (I know it sounds crazy but it has worked for me), and used my imagination to create a ritual that allows me to let go of the past and move on to the future.
I really love this picture of Katy Perry. It’s a little “King of the World,” but words ruin it (source)
I think part of acceptance is being ok with not having all the answers. That’s hard for me to come to terms with because I so badly want to know EVERYTHING, even if it doesn’t really serve me in the end. Sometimes it really is better not to know and to just move on with your life. Admittedly I’m tearing up as I write this, because to really let go of something means that you no longer hold onto the possibility that it might be fixed. Not all things are worth fixing, even when it comes to love. When relationships don’t work, it’s not necessarily because one or both people did something really wrong, but because some things really are not meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were.
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Sorry I have been so out of the loop, I have been reading and sending vibes your way. I know you are one strong girl and have tons of support so I have no doubt you will get through this all.
this post struck me A LOT. Acceptance is the last straw for me, it is that part of recovery that I still struggle to deal with because honestly I know where i am is where I need and should be but accepting it is a whole other story. It is hard to all of a sudden see yourself in a new light, do things in a new manner and be ok with just accepting every part of it.
I adore this post. hands down.
Hey Alex! It’s so good to hear from you! Thank you so much for all the nice things you had to say and for the shout out on your blog, I really appreciate it. For some reason I have not been able to post comments on Wordpress blogs for the last few months. I don’t know what’s wrong with it but I have that problem for Wordpress hosts. I’ll try to get it sorted out shortly.
Acceptance is such a hard thing, at least for me it is. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one, although I wish that collectively no one would struggle with it. Thank you for your support and I hope you’re doing well!
I’m so glad that you liked it! You are very welcome.
This post stirred up a lot of thoughts in me and while I relate a lot to it in regards to past romantic relationships, I think it’s also really helpful when thinking about relationships that have been hurtful in the past but are still a part of your life in some way. I struggled with this for many years, trying to figure out how a certain relative still fit into my life. It was hard for me to separate my feelings between times when they provided a lot of positive things in my life and times when they affected it negatively. For so long I put my energy into trying to figure out how to prevent the negative and also longing for the type of relationship that I could never have with this person. Finally accepting how things were didn’t make me weak or put me at blame for that which wasn’t perfect – it just gave me permission to put up boundaries that I needed and to still allow that person in my life for the positive things. Hopefully that makes sense
Thanks for another well-written and inspired post, Alex.
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